She's Smart and Stupid. She's Put Together and a Mess.

She is so scared and confused as we ride the light rail. She keeps talking about the irrational idea that the light rail will fall of the tracks and kill us all. She’s always been extremely irrational with her fears. I watch her attempt to understand the map, trying to navigate it on her own, but she gives up and gives the map to me. I don’t understand. She always seems to understand anything that anyone gives her. Why can she not follow simple directions to get to her destination? It’s easier than anything we are learning in school. The directions aren’t even confusing and yet they confuse her to no end. I mean she passed with an A in Physics.

                

I navigate us through the roads and we reach our destination. There are three doors that lead into the same building, but only one of the doors lead into the correct area of the building. We end up trying all three because she can’t remember which door leads to the correct area. She can pass all of her classes, yet she can’t remember a simple path through a building. Oddly enough, she remembers the number of the floor she is supposed to go to as if it was imbedded in her mind. We travel up to the seventeenth floor of the building.

                

I still don’t know what her appointment is for. Her mother is a nurse and usually tends to all of her illnesses that she gets so frequently. Why are we in the middle of Downtown Seattle for an hour long appointment?

               

  I wait for her as her appointment goes on.  She comes out seeming slightly exhausted from the appointment. She is hurried to talk about any other subject that she can. She can’t be that sick, or else all of our family would know. 

               

  My Aunt says before she takes me home, we have to put in some prescriptions. That’s when it dawns on me. She was at the Psychiatrist. But, why? She never seems to show any sign of having a psychological illness. She is responsible and she gets good grades. What could possibly be wrong with her? I try to get her to talk about what her appointment was for just to hear explain what it is, but she keeps avoiding my question, making jokes and changing the subject.

              

I may never know what is exactly wrong with her, but I do know that I can see her fear of everything outside of academics. She is kind to the point that she would bring me a warm drink on a cold day, but she can’t do anything besides school on her own. Her life is absorbed by something. Something that she isn’t quite ready to talk about with the world.